Well well well... back here again after so long. What with 8 july coming and all, I'm gonna be an official graduate and will be thrown into the adult world, no longer will i be able to say that i'm a student. sounds sad? i guess it does, at least to me. But i know that a book has many chapters, starting from the prelude to the intro to the body and conflicts and then to the resolution and conclusion, and even an epilogue. What's more to say that life itself has so much more chapters, so much more conflicts and ups and downs and transitions. But ultimately, once you get to the conclusion and epilogue, it's the whole story from the start to the end that frames the whole conclusion, it's not just about the happy times but also about how we've overcome the bad, how we've pulled ourselves out of the sadness, how we've grown and mature and finally, when we come to the end, we can look back and say we've led a meaningful and fulfilling life. But i'm jumping the gun, right here right now, it's only the start of better things to come, more challenges to face and overcome, more responsibilities to take on and stretch myself. Despite being afraid and apprehensive and thinking that even before i start, there's so many things and things doesnt seem to want to go the right way, I still look forward, having the hope that things would get better, that i'll be able to overcome. And right now, i'm praying that all will go well. Its not easy, and it will not ever be easy, but what i can do is to trust in God and to always do my best. :)

And moving on from the pensive thoughts, i've just came back from Seoul and it was a trip filled with wind and rain! at least, the last 2 days had some clear skies for us to shop! bought quite a number of things but one thing i regretted not buying is JGS's CD! argh! should have just bought it! lol! but oh wells, overall it was an interesting trip trying homestaying, having lots of fun shopping and all that. :) last trip before my official graduation :)

oh ya, also wanted to pen down some of the thoughts that i'm having... hahah and i think that was the true reason why im posting this post.

frustration. thats something that i hate. frustrated at being helpless, at why things turn out this way, at why i cant turn back time so that now wouldnt be so mafan, at why i accepted it all and now find myself struggling or just fed up with all the things.

remembrance. bringing me back to the reason why i said yes, why i agreed, why i persevere on until now.

finding joy. in the Lord, which keeps me going.

finding comfort and rest. in the Lord, which gives me the strength to carry on.

finding peace. in the Lord, which makes me find my path once again.

finding hope. in the Lord, which allows me to move on from past mistakes.

finding love. in the Lord, which gives me the reason for everything.

Oh man,... I'm realizing my chinese is really getting from bad to worse. Been conversing with my fren in chinese via twitter and i realized that i not only have alot of words i do not know how to write, but sometimes i'll even be confused over which word to choose from.. aiyo... this is bad. how can i call myself a chinese like that?! and i think that is largely due to lack of usage ever since i was done with the chinese language in JC. how i wished i have better grasp of the language, especially the vocab and use phrases like idioms. It's really quite a waste how those yan yu and chen yu that i learnt and memorized back in sec schools days have long been forgotten. wished i had a deeper interest in the chinese lang previously and now i regret not cultivating a liking for chinese novels and readings. now all i can say is that i know how to speak the lang, yet there are still lots of vocab and descriptions i do not know. oh well.

What with the finishing of my exams on 30th april, now im a so-called free person! :) for now im happy, but i also have a little of apprehension, not knowing what's next. well, for now, i shall bask in my holiday mood and get ready for my trip to Hong Kong next week! cant believe its next week! seems like there's still alot of things not done nor prepared. well, at least i know that my passport has not expired nor is close to expiring! after the lesson last year, i doubt i'll forget to always check when is the expiry date! glad that i could go overseas with my frens, it's gonna be an awesome experience :)

another thing to be happy for is that my dad is getting an iPad 2 for my family! which also means i get to use it! hahah as long as my bro dun lay hold onto it too soon, nor too persistently, ill be able to use the iPad and bring it along to wherever i go! YaY! surprised that my dad would just randomly say that he was thinking of buying one to put at home for us to use and he really ordered it less than a day! hhaha fast and efficient :D

recently i've also been thinking that sometimes, i can be ungrateful for the things around me or the people around me. sometimes i think i take people and things for granted and i fail to convey my thanks and i really hope in future, i'll be a more thoughtful person and not say things or do things so carelessly. i really need to thank my parents especially for bringing up and taking such good care of me these 21+ years and to meet my every wimp and tolerate my temper and willfulness. They've always thought to do the best for me and help me in ways that they can. i know that sometimes i'll be angry at them or have tantrums just cuz things dun go my way or i hear things which i dun like, but i know that without them, i would not be where i am and i would not have lived as comfortably as i would have. so i thank you mum and dad! i know its kinda hard for me to say face to face but i'll try my best to show through my actions :)

i also wanna thank God especially cuz all these years, ever since when i was younger, God has always been my rock, He has always been my comforter and protector. no matter if i was sad or confused or helpless, i know that i can always turn to Him for help and thus, He has been someone who i can count on when i cant seem to count on anyone else. He is also always there in ways that no one can. i can never thank God enough and i never show enough love for Him but i hope that i'll continuously spread His love and be a good testimony for Him. thank you God, for everything.

Here's to the last 2 weeks of school (wait! i'm left with a week only since today is friday!!! my tian!)... with my presentations and assignments all done and over with, what's next is only the exams and graduation. what comes after my 22 years of schooling life is really up to God and really up to me who is still procrastinating... haha...

throughout this week i've been thinking about how much im gonna miss school, the campus life, the friends i make, the lessons i go too, the projects and essays i do, the lecturers i get to learn from and many many more that makes school fun and meaningful. well, out of my 22 years, i guess its only when its about to end then i will say with earnest that i miss school! i especially miss the campus life.being in school has really opened my eyes, taught me many things and bring me to different stages of my life. and here as i end the schooling chapter, im gonna begin a whole new chapter which is now kinda daunting and im kinda apprehensive. it's just weird how im not gonna be called a student anymore, a little sad at how i wun be sheltered anymore, a little nostalgic at how i can have fun and play at the same time as im studying. and all those memories i've made in school... there's too many for me to list. all the lessons, recess, CCA, camps, meetings, gatherings... suddenly images from secondary sch till now is flashing in my head... ahha... and of course, i wanna thank all those who made my school life so interesting - my friends and lecturers and tutors and project group mates... :) and now as i look at all the books and notes that are on my table, i realize i'll miss studying. miss going to the library, be it in school or the public library, to study. i'll miss typing and researching for projects and essays. i'll miss trying to figure out how to solve all the math problems. I'll miss reading and highlighting and putting little notes in my textbook and readings. all that and more... 1/3rd or 1/4th of my life is spend in school and this is the time im the most active in various things, in dance, in musicals, in mentoring, in CCAs, in projects etc. the time when i have the most energy and time to do various stuff. :D i can only say, im grateful and thankful for all those wonderful memories! :D

and next up, excited for my korea trip! gonna be fun and awesome! :) can't wait!

Woots! Just a short post before i REALLY start doing my work! haha

Recently, been watching WGM, for Khuntoria and Adam couples. And i found a gem of a band! haha 2AM! :) and i realize once again how much i love ballads! :P and kkapkwon! haha really funny and amazing vocals!

Anyway, its weird how when you have nothing to do, nobody will ask you to do anything. But when your week has been full of stuff, people will start asking you to do stuff! haha well, im not complaining, just commenting on how timely God's timing is. Really, a crisis is not a crisis if there is only one measly problem you think you can't handle. That is just A problem. But a crisis is when u already have more than one problem and even more start coming you way (dictionary.com: a time of intense difficulty) that you feel loss and do not know where to start to tackle the problem. It's also a time where difficult/important decisions are to be made (again from dictionary.com), so if you only have a single problem, you don't actually have many decisions to make nor have stuff you gotta sacrifice. Of cuz, i'm not saying that a single probem can't be a big single problem. But i think it makes more of an impact and ask more out of you if you realize that hey, everything doesn't seem to go the way you want it to be. But at that time, when you start to realize you can only lean on God, you're realize that there is always light at the end of the tunnel, a rainbow at the end of the rain, that after the storm, the sun will shine brightly. so i'm saying: Bring it on! I'm not afraid of any problems that come my way, but as long as i know God is on my side, WHO can be against me? :P

October is already ending in a week's time... how fast time flies and 2010 is left with a little more than 2 months! well, 2010 has been exciting, what with passing my driving and all that. but also can't wait for what the rest of 2010 holds for me :D exams for this sem (can't believe this can be a good thing!), christmas and more practicing of my driving :X and so on... as for right now, i'm just in the midst of projects and trying to keep up with my readings... well recently i've been thinking about the fact that i'm gonna graduate next sem, somehow i still can't believe that its gonna be the end of my student life soon.. i really love school/campus life. truth to be told, i'll rather stick to studying than going out to face the workforce. but on the other hand, blind studying and stubbornly force myself to study something that i can't to avoid going to work is also a stupid choice. soooo, i just have to get round to the fact that hey, i'm graduating next sem and to go find a job. but all in all, i'll not forget that God has a plan for me and that although i do not believe its gonna be easy, i'll preserver and press on for i know that it is definitely worth it! so till then, i'll be enjoying my student life and try not to be so guilty about playing in the midst of studying hahaha!

and i've been really thinking about positive thinking. Positive thinking is such a powerful and amazing tool. some may say that we're trying to bluff ourselves or that we want to avoid reality. but i beg to differ, positive thinking is not about avoiding reality, but rather, in the face of reality, we hold on to the hope of better things to come. not just because we have God on our side, but even in the economics sense, when there is a down, there will definitely be an up in the future. that's how yield curves come about, how business cycles are always that, a cycle. but more importantly, it is because that i have a God that is greater than my problems, a God that promises us blessings and His inheritance, a God that is merciful and so loving... it is because of all that, that even more as a christian, we can't lose hope, we can't be bogged down by negative thoughts because God will definitely come true for us. so don't give up hope, don't say we can't do it, don't think that everyone is giving up on you, nor feel that you're alone in this world. cause that is a big mistake. God is by our side, today and forevermore. and also, we should stop being childish and only look at ourselves, only think that everyone is disappointing you. but rather, look at the positive side of people, believe in them and not doubt them. even if they really did something wrong before or disappointed you before, its time to give them another chance, just like how God forgives us again and again. but let's strive not to make the same mistakes. but also, try to put yourself in their shoes, try to think out of the box or not be so narrow-minded, we may think others disappoint us, but maybe we should think again and look at ourselves instead. many a times, we are not out to hurt others or to disappoint others, more often than not, we are trying to portray the best of ourselves. however, we're not super beings nor people who can please every single one out there. don't put yourself down just because you put yourself in the middle of every situation and find that actually, you shouldn't be there. life is better spend thinking of the positive than the negative.

ok i'm being really random! loL!

anyway, 2 of the midterms has passed.. hip hip hooray! and 1 more to go! plus all my projects and assignments! speaking of which, i need to remember to do my reading journal! an interesting midterm i had on mon morning! apparently, my lecturer did not print enough scripts or otherwise, the printer ate up some of the scripts! so had to start the exam 40 mins late to print more copies. the good thing was that it started late since i reached there like 5 mins late! haha 8am in the morning... goodness! another awesome thing is that the lecturer scrapped part 2 of the paper, leaving us with only MCQs to do! hahaha made me a real happy girl on mon! lol! geo midterm on tue was more depressing in a way since i cant remember everything about political ecology, "terra nullius", possibilism and "manifest destiny". hope i write enough though...

studying so diligently the past few days made me proud of myself! BUT i'm currently procrastinating studying for my next paper! lazy me! ha! need to start reading the textbook... but i can say that my mnb lecturer is really nice and friendly and funny and naggy! haha he actually said thank you to me after tut for no rhythm or reason... and if he ends the tut on time, he'll continue to chat with us and not let us go for the next lesson... haha and my geo lecturer actually gave us hari raya gifts! amazing! i think i'm really blessed this sem (except for transport! lol! but i cant possibly have everything! haha) with nice lecturers :D thank you God!

i met this wierd chinese lady earlier today. she was at the voiddeck asking ppl to help her translate something from chinese to eng. me being someone who finds it hard to say no actually went forward to see if i can help... but! i realized what she wanted me to translate was a letter. a breakup letter. and her chinese was chimalogy with all the difficult adjectives about how disappointed and irked she is. in the end, i declined helping her as i doubted my abilities to translate properly not fully understand the chinese she wrote.

but it led me to think about how trustable was she... or was she really in her right mind? it was pretty scary sitting there listening to her narrating her letter with those words that described her feelings... especially when she's a stranger...anyway, weirder things have happened.

sometimes i really don't understand how people think. they can sometimes be so stubborn in their own thoughts and assumptions that it becomes so skewed. yet, they stubbornly refuse to change their mindset nor refuse to see that the problem lies with their own thinking. furthermore, when they start pointing fingers at other people, blatantly shifting the blame to others, unreasonably arguing that we should see it from their own perspective when it is actually not accurate or reliable, it becomes really irritating and ridiculous and it becomes pretty scary when someone gets overly possessive. and in the end, they are the ones who remains miserable, blaming the whole world but themselves, and worse of all, they lose a friend who was with them through rain or shine, a friend who actually sacrificed her time out for the person, a friend who can be trusted, a friend who goes the extra mile, a friend who forgives past mistakes, a friend who really loves them. i'm standing at the sidelines thinking that its really sad to be blinded by you own assumptions and stubborn beliefs that you refuse to think that u may be wrong. its even sadder if you choose to forgo a friend who has been there for others whom u only made acquaintance. oh well.

moving on to happier things.. ^^ dramas. found out mdwav 3 had an extended ending! haha just too bad its short and not all that happy... but still very satisfied and i think its gonna be one of my all time fav show! :D as for playful kiss, its getting better as the episodes go by... hopefully it'll end awesomely! and i'm waiting for my gf is a gumiho to be out! will then psycho my mum to buy. :P

.remind yourself of the precious memories once in a while and know that there is still hope and smiles.